Stuart- Eyes too close together

1. Australian Stuart. Not really my type looks wise but he was tall, athletic and good at banter. We met at the Natural History Museum as I had tickets to go and see the Wildlife Photographer of the Year exhibtion. I know, all cultural eh? He balked at paying for tea in the cafe and followed me round the entire exhibition making poncy comments about the method the photographer had used. There I was thinking ‘Oh wow, massive buffalo’ and he was spouting ‘Ah yeah, he’s used a telephoto/fisheye/macro/bumwipe lens here and ah bla bla bla’.

He actually totally ruined the day for me, I wish I’d gone alone. Besides his eyes were too close together and very small for a big man. So pretty much a fail, except he told me a great story about someone he’d met internet dating.

Stuart had met this girl online who’s photos were amazing. She was stunningly gorgeous and looking for a tall, fit man. He thought all his Christmasses had come at once when she messaged him to meet up at her house. He said it took him a couple of minutes to see if he was bothered about being used for sex by a hot woman and then he hopped in his car and went round. When he arrived she was indeed absolutely gorgeous. They watched a film, drank a bottle of wine and without really talking much she asked if he would like to wrestle her?

Thinking this was foreplay he happily wrestled her for over an hour on her living room floor. Then she said he had better leave but not before giving him some risotto in a tupperware box to take home with him.

Stuart didn’t hear from her until she texted to ask for her tupperware back. He replied that he was in her area the next day and would drop over. The following morning he was ushered into the hot girls house by her Mum who clearly had been told that he was the girl’s boyfriend. Over lunchthat he was forced into staying for he learned that the mother had cancer, the daughter was looking after her and this new boyfriend gave the mum something to hope for.

Needless to say he got out of there at the first opportunity and drove home. It was as he was parking his car that he realised the massive billboard beside his house was plastered with the hot girl’s face.

So he meets a model, wrestles her, steals her tupperware and then lies to her terminally ill mother. Ah the joys of interweb dating eh?

 

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. tams
    Mar 25, 2012 @ 16:05:10

    LOVE it!

    Reply

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