Vote if you want me to date Loony Louis, LOL!

My profile states pretty bluntly that I have an aversion to LOL. And at no point do I mention casual sex, in fact the opposite. I think I’ve made my wish to find someone to have a serious relationship with pretty clear. But maybe some of these men can’t read or they have read between the lines and worked out that I’m actually a slut, and whilst waiting for Mr Right some casual sex would be just fine thanks.

I was contacting on Sunday night by Louis, 30yr old builder, tall dark and handsome- in a chavvy way. Yes, I hear those that know me say, perfect- right up my alley so to speak.

The problem with Louis is he’s thick. Or just happy to be very obvious.

His opening message to me read – ‘Hiiiiiii’

Why did I even reply to this? Read the above about the tall dark builder type. It was pretty doubtful that we were going to have an indepth discussion on politics anyway- (which is good because I know jack shit) so I wasn’t expecting much.

Anyway I emailed back mentioning his wit and charm, which didn’t go down too well, and then he asked me to meet up with him. Ummm- hello sunshine- have you ever heard of holding back a bit?

He was well up for coming over to join me for dinner until I mentioned that dinner was most definitely the only thing on the menu. He feigned surprise that I even felt I needed to mention this and then decided he wouldn’t be able to get there in time after all.

Was I bothered? Not in the slightest. I’d had a shit day. I’d got soaked to the bone 4 times. Three times taking Essex’s dog out and once riding my bike home only to find I had to turn around and go straight back to Essex’s house again.

We had 8 inches of rain that day. It always rains in England you know. Bollocks to that- I’ve never seen rain like that outside of the tropics. (Yeah, I’ve been thanks)

I had a peaceful dinner with myself and me but my phone kept going off with repeated texts from Louis.

Louis-‘So where r u?’

Me- ‘Are you a murderer?’

Louis- ‘No hunny’ (massive cringe)

Louis- ‘Lol’

Louis- ‘What u up to’

Me- ‘Just having dinner. What are you doing?’

Louis- ‘At home cleaning’

Me- ‘Oh. Ok. Sounds fun.’

Louis- ‘So you staying there tonight?

Me- ‘Yep. Got to walk the dog tonight and in the morning.’ 

(Yes. It really was this dull and all of this had been mentioned in the email I wrote. It’s possible he can only read one sentence at a time- when was he going to get the hint?)

Louis- ‘Lol’

Louis- ‘What kind of dog?’

Louis- ‘U smoke?’

Me- ‘Nope’

Louis- ‘What kind of dog?’

Louis- ‘Are you by d train or 2,3?’

Me- ‘A mental one. I can’t pronounce the name but a hunting dog. She was a rescue dog.’

Louis- ‘Oh ok’

Louis- ‘Been dating long?’

Me- ‘Only just got here, so not really.’

Louis- ‘Ok’

Louis- ‘Been single long?’

At this point I thought the only way might be to totally ignore him. He really wasn’t giving up and I don’t know why a man needs to know how long you’ve been single before he asks your name or what you like to do at weekends.

Ten minutes later


An hour later


Me-‘Sorry was eating then took the dog for a walk. I’m in bed now- I’ve got an early start.’

Translation- stop texting me motherfucker.

Louis-‘Oh ok.’

Louis-‘Good night’

And that should be the end of it. Yes? No.

Next morning.



Louis-‘How r u’

No reply from me.


Louis- ‘Morningggggggg how r u’


Louis- ‘I’m out of work already. U?’

LOUIS. Enough already.

Should I reply and meet up with this man to see if he is mentally retarded? I’d be doing it purely for your amusement you see. VOTE if you want to see me on a date with Louisssssssssss.


6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. NYSis
    Aug 16, 2011 @ 17:52:51

    hells fucking no


  2. Helene
    Aug 17, 2011 @ 01:03:37

    I’d say yes… in an entertainingholidayromanceadventure kind of a way… Rules are different when you’re in another country (as I told myself during last summer’s fling with a guy who wore all-white linen outfits!)


  3. LoBro
    Aug 17, 2011 @ 02:37:19

    Not a chance.


  4. keira
    Aug 17, 2011 @ 14:04:31

    Date him and see if he really is as dull as you think……He may surprise you!


  5. becca
    Aug 18, 2011 @ 15:45:18

    Def meet up with him, but make sure you take pepper spray/ condoms.


  6. BigVern
    Aug 18, 2011 @ 16:30:37

    It’s a no from the homeland x


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