More interweb tales

In the right mood this internet dating is really good entertainment.

There’s a roll the dice option- where you simply get a random match. And another favourite is the ‘quickmatch’ where you really just look at photos and vote 1 to 5 stars.  HOURS of fun. Id pretty much decided to wait for men to contact me and then realised I’m a predatory control freak so now I search myself.

The only problem with this is that the men can see you’ve viewed their profile and then not contacted them. Surely that would say ‘I’m not interested’ but more often than not I get a message back saying something terribly witty and intelligent like ‘hey, so how are you liking New York so far?’.

And now I’ve started looking at who is viewing my profile and not messaging me. Why? Why would YOU not message ME? …..

Guy #8 Irish Sean

Really funny profile and has big tattoo of a Unicorn weeing a rainbow. Second attempt at messaging someone.

me: I freakin’ LOVE unicorns.

irishsean: LOVE like ‘that’, or just like really like ’em?

me: Well, if I’m totally honest- I’ve never actually met one.

So maybe it’s just the idea of them, them and their big horns…

irishsean: all this big horn talk! risque!

so are you just visiting our fair land of excess or are you here for a bit?

me: I’m here for 3 months initially, then we’ll see.

I need to decide if I like it enough to make the move permanently.

so can you explain the tattoo- just a little bit?

No reply. Over. Dumped. Time to move on.

Guy #9. Jim.

Profile picture is him riding a donkey. I think I fancy the donkey more. At the end of the profile there is a little section to say why someone should message you. Me thinks the happy-go-lucky atmosphere of the rest of Jim’s profile might not be the whole truth…

You want to have a good time. None of your photos include you in the bent-arm/grabbing hip pose. You don’t have photos from every social occasion you have ever attended. You don’t have a real-time guide to the length of your hair. You can live without your iPod, NPR, the NYTimes and caffeine. You don’t have any photos of you in front of the Eiffel Tower. We’ve all been to Paris…get over it.

Oops. Ok Jim- calm down dear, it’s only a website……

Guy #10. Chris.

Seemed nice enough- we exchanged a few emails about where we’d been travelling. He had been to Penzance! Crazy! And asked me if I knew any Cornish because he had a hobby of learning Celtic languages….. Game of Dungeons and Dragons anyone?

Guy #11. Alberto. 5’5″ 49% match 41% enemy.

Asked if I wanted to go kayaking. 10 points so far. Scary-murderer-type-profile- pic. Nil point.  Replied to say that I didn’t think we would be compatible (an inch shorter than me?) and suggested he change his profile picture to one of him smiling. Could have gone either way but he said thanks and wished me luck. How kind.

Guy #12 Roh.

Sent me a message- see below. I checked his profile and it was filled with pictures of him doing ‘activities’, mainly involving expensive boys toys. But he seemed pretty keen….

Hi there, how are you doing… Was browsing on the site & came across your profile. You have a very beautiful smile & you seem like someone with a fun loving personality with a positive attitude. Wht’s the secret behind the pretty smile…:)  

I’m a business consultant & work/live in the city. Will be nice to get to know you Lemme know your thoughts…:)   

God, I hate smiley faces. I read through his answers and self summary and learned he had lived in London for a while- so being new to the site I thought it only polite to reply. I asked him whereabouts in London he had lived?

Hi there, nice to hear from you… I used to live in Kingston upon Thames & trust me when I say that ( upon Thames ) as my apartment was actually had a balcony which with Views of Thames river & no other building in between!!.. I had a wonderful time in London even though I was living in Zone 6..;-) 

So what made you move to NY from London ? Is this a temporary move or a permanent one ? How long have u been in NYC now ? So by now do you have couple of items checked off from your To-do list in new York..:). Guess we can talk more about it over a drink… What do you say…:) btw, you really have a beautiful smile!! 

hope you are enjoying your day!!… 

Yes, yes beautiful smile…. What do you want? My teeth?! I looked over the whole profile and the number of LOLs and !!!! left me feeling a little ill. His photos also did nothing for me so I did the best British thing and wrote back…

Kingston-upon-Thames sounds great! 

I’ve checked out your profile and I don’t think we would be compatible. 
Good luck with your search anyway! 

The exclamation marks were to make him feel more comfortable with me basically saying… No Thanks. I thought that would be the last of it but he got back to me again.

Yeah, I too felt the same after reading your profile again.. We are not a match. 


But Roh, I thought I was fun-loving, positive and had a beautiful smile…..

I was devasted and had to take a break after that.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. tams
    Aug 10, 2011 @ 08:57:36

    keep it coming i love it, although the excitement has had a colon whispering effect. Im off……………


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